Advice for men: 1st time messaging

Of all the complexitites of online dating, first time messaging seems to inspire the most concern. What you decide to write to someone is akin to the first few words you might say if you met them in real life, so it's important to think carefully about what to compose.

Don't be nervous though, because everyone's in the same boat and once you've grasped a few maxims and what not to do, you'll be contacting other members with confidence. Keep in mind our three words for messaging - fun, momentum and energy.

We'll start this week with some classic errors that you should avoid at all costs...

'Hi, I like the look of your profile - if you like the look of mine, hit me back.'

Being on mysinglefriend.com is all about having a good time, but it's also about going that extra mile and making an effort - not just sending out a bland greeting that looks like a dreary spam message. Using functional words such as 'Hi' or 'hello' in the subject field won't engage them - think about something that will grab their attention and make you stand out in a crowded inbox.

Don't bang on about yourself

Your profile contains all the neccessary information that she needs for now, so don't waste your opening message telling her things she already knows - concentrate on talking to her, not at her.

'Wow, you're hot!'

This is the online dating equivalent of a wolf whistle and will mark you out as a looks-fixated neanderthal in much the same way. Everyone likes to be told they look attractive but few people enjoy it to the exclusion of everything else. Women want you to engage with their personality as well as their looks, so avoid overtly physical flattery. If you are going to do so, concentrate on something like their eyes or smile, rather than 'Phwooaar! You're sexy'. It just makes you look silly.

Don't write an essay

You wouldn't embark on a breathless, ten minute monologue the first time you meet someone out in the real world, so apply the same rules here. If they see you've written more than two or three paragraphs they either think you're telling them your life story which screams insecurity, or they'll feel a trifle bored, both of which will lead them quick smart to the delete button. Keep it short.

So, now you know what not to do, you'll probably be wanting to know what to do. Come back next week for more of our message writing masterclass.

Want to start practising your messaging skills? Join now!

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