Advice for men: First steps
The stigma of turning to the internet to find a partner has truly disappeared but the flipside of this is that the online dating world is becoming ever more competitive. No longer can you just stick up a poorly taken mug shot, write a few adjectives and a list of films that you like and hope for the best. Therefore, we've come up with the first in a series of posts aimed at helping men find their feet on MSF. Here are a few things to bear in mind when you take your first tentative steps.
Need to know?
It's tempting to be very specific about the type of person you're looking for, but this is actually best avoided. Although having a strong idea of your perfect woman might make you more focused, it's very important to know that this is not essential and can sometimes hinder rather than help you.
One of the benefits of online dating is that it can change your perceptions - you may think that the party animal girl is for you, only to find yourself attracted to a quieter type who enjoys lemon tea and knitting. Stepping out of your usual social circle will expose you to people and personalities that you haven't considered before.
Going on dates is a great way to figure out who might be right for you, whether they are triumphs or disasters. Spending an afternoon or evening in the company of someone you've never met before without an inkling of nerves is a valuable life skill. If you've no idea about the type of person you'd like to meet, just concentrate on having some fun and the perfect woman will turn up when you're least expecting her.
Avoid the tick list
Men love lists and putting things in boxes as it appeals to their inherent sense of making order. Unfortunately, women don't come with a list of components and an instruction manual, nor do they want to be seen as a series of tick boxes. You may need to put aside the fact that they aren't bowled over by your impeccable music taste or impressed by your enclyopedic knowledge of rare Japanese video games and concentrate instead on finding out what they're like as a person and if there's a bit of a spark between you. Give them a chance to grow to love playing Super Street Fighter Turbo IIIV with you, rather than dismissing them the second their tastes diverge from yours.
Keep changing
One of the most important maxims of online dating is to keep active. Most people will have an initial flush of excitement when they join, only to allow their profile to wilt after a time if they haven't had much luck with any dates or contact. It can be hard to keep going if you've not had much response initially, but if things aren't working then it might be time to change your approach.
When you write your response, draw up a list of anecdotes and things you want to use and change it every now and then. It's helpful if you use something topical in there - a joke would be good - as readers will know that you're an active and engaged person and will respond to you.
A common mistake men make is to not take the time to consider their messages and the impact they will have, using the same message time after time like a battering ram and then wondering why they aren't getting any response. It then becomes a matter of just using the same cut 'n' paste message that they send to every new profile and eventually a dreary matter of numbers rather than exciting time sending a unique message to someone you really like the look of. Women can sniff out a cut and pasted message a mile away, so take your time and think about what to write.
We'll be covering message writing in more detail in the coming weeks, so keep an eye on the blog. Feeling inspired to try online dating? Join now for free!
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