Advice from Doctor Derek

I receive a number of queries every week from MSFers asking for help and the issue that stands out like a sore thumb is lack of activity. For the vast majority of us not blessed with film star looks, dating does mean putting some legwork in and having the guts to jump in the deep end rather than writing a few words, slapping up a picture and hoping for the best. All to often I see an initial flourish of excitement from MSFers in their first week of subscription before it's abruptly curtailed by a lack of enthusiasm. Here are some things you can do to help keep the momentum going.

Logging in

It's important to remember that MSF is a dynamic site, meaning that the more active you are, the more visible you will be. The profiles that you see when you start searching are ranked according to how recently they've logged in. So, if you're in a busy area like London, on the one hand you have a treasure trove of MSFers to say hello to, but on the other you'll need to stay active and log in regularly so you don't disappear into the far reaches of the search pages. Even if you're not receiving messages straight away, try to get into the habit of logging in every day and using the search function to look for people who take your fancy.

Broadening your horizons

When people write to me asking for advice on success, all too often I look at their message log and see that they've hardly contacted anyone. It's certainly a tidy boost to the ego when you create a profile and are flooded with hellos but when this doesn't happen it's very frustrating. If you're not getting the level of interest that you might have anticipated, the only way you're going to solve this is by sending some messages of your own. Success on MSF is linked with momentum, which in itself is created by throwing away the tick list you've put together, stepping outside of the boundaries of who you think you're looking for and firing off at least 20-30 messages a week. Try and avoid concentrating on photos and read the descriptions and responses instead - you might find that sought-after chemistry in unexpected places.

Different strategies

If things aren't working out as you might have expected, then the most important step is to recognise that you might need a different approach. Your profile is like your CV - it's always changing and you should be looking to improve it by rewriting it if necessary. Take a lot of photos and keep some in reserve to upload at a later date. Changing or refreshing your profile can be a healthy boost to your self-esteem as well as making it more likely that you'll catch the eye of someone who may not have noticed you before.

We can't recommend enough getting your friend to log in and mark suitable profiles for you, or to give you feedback on your profile and photos. For many, dating can be a solitary experience but this doesn't have to be the case on mysinglefriend.com, which is what makes us unique. Too often I see that your friends are used for the sign-up process and then are never consulted again. Given them a nudge to log in and have a look for some suitable profiles to contact. Insight or advice from a friend can be invaluable and it will make the experience much more fun, which is what MSF is all about.

Not a mysinglefriend.com member? Add a friend or sign up now!

Click to go to the main site: mysinglefriend.com