Advice from flirting expert Jean Smith

For many of us, flirting can be a tricky beast to wrangle. Just how do you let someone know you like them and figure out if they like you without directly asking? If you're too subtle in your flirting they'll think you don't give a monkeys, but come on too strong and they'll be heading for the hills to escape your questionable winks and maniacal, vivacious laugh. It's a tough one.

Luckily help is at hand in the form of Jean Smith, a cultural and social anthropologist and flirting expert. Jean runs a website called Flirtology, where you can pick up all sorts of tricks and tips on perfecting your come-hither techniques, as well as regular flirting tours where you hit the streets of London and gain some hands-on experience of charming the pants off of sexy strangers. We asked Jean to share a little bit of her magic with us and pass on a few hints on dating and flirting.

MSFers make initial contact with each other via email. People sometimes find it hard to express themselves in writing and worry about coming on too strong or not strong enough. Do you have any tips of writing flirtatiously?

"Just be yourself. If the other person thinks you're coming on too strong, then they won’t be a good match for you on or off-line. If you know that you find it hard to express yourself in writing, then don't; take things off-line as soon as possible."

MSFers go on dates for the precise reason of flirting with each other but sometimes find it hard to know if their date is attracted to them. What sort of tell tale signs should they be looking out for?

"Britons are notorious for keeping their cards close to their chest and, in a culture which thrives on subtleties and reading between the lines, it does make it hard to decipher when someone likes you. This is why I often give workshops outlining the signs of attraction. A few key indicators are that he or she is actually still in your presence, touch, how close someone is standing to you, how intense or frequent the eye contact is - the more, the better."

If you want to let someone know that you're attracted to them without coming on too strong, what should you do?

"I get asked this question a lot. I think people should be less worried about ‘coming on too strong’ and more interested in making sure the other person knows they are interested. Countless studies have shown that we like to be liked. When we understand that someone likes us, we are driven to find them likable as well. Because most of the flirting behaviour of Britons is driven by the desire not to be rejected, most people are too concerned with how to not show too much interest. This is the exact opposite of what you are supposed to do in terms of dating and finding compatible matches."

So, ladies and gents, don't be afraid to show them that you like them. Many thanks to Jean for her excellent advice!

Not a mysinglefriend.com member? Add a friend or sign up now!

Click to go to the main site: mysinglefriend.com