Sarah's advice: Feeling shy?
I recently received the following email:
"I'm new to MSF and, whilst enjoying it, I feel nervous about actually going on dates. I'm very shy and find it hard to talk to new people. Any tips?"
1. You've come to the right place.
MSF is the perfect place for those who are a bit less confident because you've got a friend with you. People often find it hard to talk about themselves and might be tempted to downplay their best bits. Your friend will have no such qualms and can show you off to your best advantage.
2. Slowly does it
At mysinglefriend.com you don't have to jump into conversation immediately. If you're feeling a bit shy, you can pop someone into your favourites and wait until they return the favour before sending them a message. Messaging before you actually meet is a great way to break the ice and establish a rapport. If you both share a little about yourself you can build up an idea of the person you'll be meeting and have something to talk about when it comes to the actual date.
3. Under pressure
People sometimes say that they find the pressure too much when going on a date with someone new for the first time. The trick is to take the pressure off yourself and the situation. Arrange to meet for a quick drink initially, that way you can scope out the situation to see if there's any chemistry without getting embroiled in a three course dinner and dancing with someone you aren't going to hit it off with.
4. Tongue-tied
The dreaded awkward first conversation. There are many ways through this. One ex-MSFer who met his wife through the site told us that he took a list of questions with him to their first date and nipped off to the loo every now and then to ensure he was armed with some conversation. Sounds a bit eccentric, but it certainly worked.
Having messaged each other first you'll hopefully have some idea of shared interests and have some conversation starters there. If you don't feel confident talking about yourself initially, ask questions. Apart from deflecting the attention from yourself for a while, it will flatter your date and you'll come across as a good listener, always an attractive feature.
You can also diffuse the situation by acknowledging that you feel a bit awkward. Talk to your date about it, have a giggle and the tension will dissolve.
5. Practice makes perfect
If your first date is a nightmare of lengthy silences and small talk about Prince William's bald patch, fret not, because I can guarantee that your next date, whether it's with the same person or someone new, will be better. Like anything in life, the more you do it, the more familiar you become with it and the easier and more enjoyable it gets. If you have a dodgy date, don't be put off. It happens to the best of us and, at the very least, it'll provide you with some conversational fodder for your next go.
The key thing to remember is that mysinglefriend.com is all about the fun. Relax and enjoy!
I'll be back in a couple of weeks with more dating tips and advice. If you'd like to get in touch with any queries and comments you can contact me here.
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