The dreaded first message
I'm often asked what sort of things one should say in an opening message. While I can't tell you precisely what to write (we are all so different!) hopefully this post will give you some direction when it comes to that opening message.
Whenever I am asked, I always, always say that energy, pace and humour are key when wanting to grab someone's attention. That means hold off on your life story please! In my experience, people don't respond positively to messages that are purely about the sender, so don't bang on about yourself too much.
Dating expert Sam Van Rood compares a first message to a flirtatious look across a bar and I like this analogy. I know that, in a bar, I'd favour someone giving me a flirtatious look, a little laugh and a compliment rather than someone pinning me in a corner and letting me know about their job, pets and mortgage! A real turn off.
Do compliment the recipient, do make them feel special but most of all let them know that you've read their profile - that shows you've made an effort and seem genuinely interested. That's flattering!
If you can incorporate these things in a brief, upbeat message, you're on to a winner! Mentioning something that you have in common is a great way to open dialogue, as is banter, sometimes being cheeky pays off.
It is very apparent that 'txt tlk' is a pet-hate too, as is poor spelling and grammar. Taking a minute to stop and check your message could well be the deciding factor when it comes to getting a reply.
Good lines:
"I've always been intrigued by a man with a beard. Is it a permanent feature? My mum told me never to trust bearded men, but I've always been a bit of a rebel."
"I snowboard, eat lots of sushi and peanut-butter is my favourite sandwich filler. Surely we're made for each other ;-)"
"What do you call an Italian man with a rubber toe?" *
Bad lines:
"Bit new to this whole internet dating thing but saw your profile and thought you looked great. Would be great to hear back from you."
"Hi I'm bored at work, so looked at the site. Saw your profile and had to get in touch. Wow, you're pretty."
"hey sxy. Ur hot. i wuz hopin u like da look of me. if u do get bck 2 me n we can hook up 4 a drink."
The most important thing is for you to enjoy writing these messages. Then the recipient will enjoy reading them. If you don't get a reply to a message, there is only one antidote... send more mail! Have fun!
If you have any feedback or questions, please don't hesitate to get in touch.
* Oh, and it's Roberto, for those of you who didn't guess.
