We've recently received a few emails to the blog from people who find that first date nerves get the better of them. Whilst they're the life and soul amongst their own friends, dates prove a little trickier.
Unless you're incredibly relaxed in the company of strangers and a natural raconteur, you're bound to experience a few awkward first date moments which will either propel you into incomprehensible auto-witter mode or leave you stranded in a mire of silence.
Whilst you can't expect to develop the gift of the gab over night there are a few things you can do to make a good impression and help conversation flow a little more smoothly.
First of all, be interested. Make eye contact, smile and laugh (in appropriate places of course, if you laugh at everything they say it might upset them). If talking isn't your forte then you can't go wrong with a bit of listening. People love to be listened to; it's flattering and it makes them feel special and interesting - and you'll seem charming and considerate to boot.
Obviously you can't stay silent for the whole date. If you feel uncomfortable talking about yourself then start by asking questions about them. Try to keep the questions open; things that require a longer answer than a simple yes or no. For example:
Closed question: 'Do you enjoy watching films?'
Open question: 'What sort of films do you like?'
Try and find some common ground. We're not talking a shared love for obscure railway ephemera, more something along the lines of where you've been/are going on holiday. It may feel a bit trite but something as simple as this might be your passport to the sunny climes of free-wheeling, easy conversation.
If you can, pop a few compliments in. Don't go over board (you don't want to come across all sycophantic and scare them away) but something like 'That's a lovely shirt/bracelet/sombrero' won't go amiss. If you pick something they might have a story about (like the sombrero) then it'll move the conversation forward too.
Remember that it's a date, not a job interview. You don't need to try and impress with the amount of amazing things you've achieved in your life or have them rolling on the floor at your hilarious anecdotes - you simply need to interact a little bit to figure out if there's a spark between you.
If you find there is, fab! You've got over the first date hurdle and can be confident that the second will be more relaxed. If not, never mind - you've had some practice at making conversation and can feel a bit more at ease the next time you go on a date.
And finally, if you feel a bit nervous, tell them! They probably feel the same - you can have a bit of a giggle about it and get the conversation going.
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