30 Aug 2016

5 signs you are dating an insecure person

Category: Advice
Author: Karen
Making snap decisions about people you've just started seeing is not something we endorse here at MSF, as we believe that everyone deserves a chance and also that some potentially beautiful relationships are nipped in the bud by judgements that are made too swiftly. However, when you've been on a few dates with someone you should be getting a fairly good idea of what they're like, and you should be noticing any potential red flags, as well as all the lovely things about them. One such red flag is insecurity, something that most of us have a bit of, but that can be a real difficulty in a relationship if someone has too much. Here are five warning signs to look out for.

They put themselves down

We can all be critical of ourselves, and sometimes we might share those criticisms with others, but if someone is constantly talking themselves down, it's a warning sign. It may be about their apprearance, such as calling themselves fat or ugly, or it might be about how successful they think they are, or how much money they earn. Which leads on to...

They need a lot of reassurance

If someone has had a terrible day, or is going through a difficult time, then it is a good and kind thing to offer them support and reassurance, but if they seem to need it constantly, then they are probably chronically insecure. Whilst you might feel like you want to offer someone this validation a few times, it's going to wear pretty thin if you have to do it every ten minutes.

They've always got a chip on their shoulder

People who have a chip on their shoulder about something tend to feel that they have been unfairly treated or are in some way not as good as other people, which is a classic sign of insecurity. When ever your conversation strays near their insecurity they will most likely get very cross and self righteous about the topic and chew your ear off about it every time. Whilst they might feel a bit better in the short term, it's going to get annoying for you in the long term.

They are highly defensive

Nobody likes criticism, but most people can handle a bit of a challenge without too much difficulty. If your date becomes hostile at the smallest suggestion that they may have done something wrong, or they get very cross and uptight at the mildest bit of friendly mockery, they are probably highly insecure (though check in with yourself that you aren't taking things too far and just being plain mean). Defensiveness is hard to cope with in a relationship, so consider whether you want to back out now before it's too late.

They are mean about others

When you're out on a date in a busy place, it's only natural to do a bit of people watching and pass the odd, perhaps not entirely flattering, comment. However, if your date is constantly making negative comments or comparing themselves to strangers, alarm bells should ring, and they should ring even louder if your date starts talking negatively about the people you love and value, such as your friends and family. The absolute final straw must be if they start criticising you to make themselves feel better. That is a toxic relationship that you can definitely do without.

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