08 Jul 2016

How giving everyone a chance is the best way to meet The One

Category: Advice
Author: Karen

Back in the days of yore, when you'd live and die within a three mile radius and your choice for marriage was limited to your father's cousin's uncle's eldest or the village idiot, you'd probably learn very quickly to overlook the finer details of your beau's personality and looks, or lack thereof, and count yourself lucky to have made a match at all. In this day and age, we have a veritable smorgasbord of hot, clever, lovely people in front of us and we might reject someone based on the tiniest of details, safe in the knowledge that we can move on to the next person with a quick click. 

At MSF, we encourage you to date as many people as you like because meeting people is great and going on dates is fun, but we would hate to think that anyone was throwing away a potential match made in heaven on the basis of some minor detail. If you are going on lots of dates, it can be easy to hone in on a reason why you think someone isn't appropriate for you, or decide that they aren't what you expected, but we suggest you hold fire and have a little think about things before you send them a message saying they just aren't your type. All we are saying, as John and Yoko no doubt would have written if they'd been in our line of work, is give your date a chance.

Get rid of your checklist

We all think we have a type and then get totally blind sided when the tall, blonde lawyer that we think we're looking out for turns out to be a petite, red-headed dentis. This happens all the time in real life, but much less in online dating because we are able to filter people before we've met them. Searching for that tall, blonde lawyer on MSF will only limit your chances of success, so lose the checklist and cast your net as widely as possible. Try searching for the exact opposite of who you think you're looking for and allow yourself to be surprised.

Meet people you wouldn't usually

Of course, MSF is a two-way street and people will be approaching you too, so you can apply the above in this scenario as well. Don't just click 'thanks, but no thanks' because they aren't like the people you've dated before, or they're a couple of years outside of your age range, or two inches shorter than you'd like them to be. MSF is so good because people's friends have written about them, meaning you can get an objective idea of what they're like, but it's still only a bit of writing and no substitute for meeting someone in real life. So get out there!

Give them a good chance

If your date turns up to meet you red faced, perspiring and shaking and then proceeds to drop their cutlery and knock a glass of red wine into your handbag, you'd probably think they were some kind of freakish klutz and never see them again. And we can kind of see your point, but what if they were just really nervous and you gave them the benefit of the doubt, and the next time you saw them they were more relaxed and actually rather lovely? If you think there is the tiniest hint of something then it's really worth pursuing, so try to look beyond any first date oddities.

Put yourself in their shoes

Remember that whilst you're making all these judgements, Judgey McJudger, whoever you're on a date with is also carefully considering you too. It could be you who gets lost on the way to the restaurant, or splashed by a car, or forgets their phone and turns up to meet a poised, calm stranger all dishevelled and sweaty and apologetic. Bear in mind that nerves play a big part in any first date and be prepared to be kind and considerate, just as you'd like your date to be to you.

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