14 Oct 2016

How to date with confidence after a long term relationship

Category: Advice
Author: Karen
If you've been in a long-term relationship the thought of returning to dating can be very daunting, especially if you went through a tricky break up. If it's been years since you last plucked up the courage to meet up with a stranger the stress of it all might make you decide to knock the whole idea on the head and stay at home and watch Bake Off repeats in your PJs, but it doesn't have to be scary, especially if you meet people through mysinglefriend. Here are five tips to make it a fun and exciting experience.

Don't go it alone

If you're feeling a bit unsure about dating again, talk to your friends about it. They will be excited and pleased that you're feeling ready to get back out there, and their enthusiasm will rub off on you. Joining mysinglefriend will get them involved in the process because they have to describe you; they can then search through the site on your behalf and recommend people they think you'll like. Sharing the process will remove any stress or worry you feel about it because you'll know that your friend has got your back.

Take it at your own pace

If you're feeling nervous about plunging back into the dating pool, making your first connections online is the best way to go about it. You can search through potential dates at your own pace, message them when you feel ready, and only reply to those that you really want to. Online dating allows you to go slowly and means you can choose when it's time to meet up in real life, unlike blind dates or set ups by friends which can make you feel like you've been thrown in at the deep end.

Keep your options open

If you were previously in a long-term relationship your natural inclination will probably be to try and find the same thing immediately, because it feels safe and comfortable. However, if you jump for the first person you date and start making long term plans, you will either scare them off immediately, or find yourself knee deep in a relationship that doesn't actually work. Don't be afraid to date lots of people and keep your options open because the more people you meet, the more likely you are to meet someone you really click with.

Don't stick to 'your type'

People often think that they have 'a type', but the truth is that every person in the world is utterly unique, and having a type more often than not means searching for someone who reminds you of your ex. The beauty of online dating is that it allows you to meet people outside of your usual social or work circle, giving you the opportunity to hang out with folk that you'd never normally have the chance to meet. The wider you spread your net, the more likely you are to catch someone wonderful.

Don't pressurise yourself

You should approach online dating as the chance to have a bit of fun, rather than a way to find your next long term relationship. Whilst of course you may meet the person of your dreams, you're much less likely to do so if you treat every date as if it's an audition for a potential husband or wife. Putting too much pressure on each date to be the start of something serious will not only kill any sense of fun, it will also send you spiralling into a world of sadness if it doesn't work out. The less seriously you take it, the better the experience will be.

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