Nine first date turn-offs that will ruin a relationship before it's even begun

First dates are exhilarating yet nerve-wracking experiences that set the tone for potential romantic connections. We need to focus on making the best impression, so it’s important to be mindful of the common first date turn-offs that can sour a connection before it’s had the chance to get off the ground. Steering clear of these pitfalls will pave the way for a more enjoyable and promising encounter.

Negativity: Nothing dampens the mood quicker than excessive negativity. Constantly complaining about work, life, or past relationships can be a major turn-off. Instead, opt for positive and light-hearted conversations to create a more upbeat atmosphere.

Being Distracted: In today's digital age, it's easy to get caught up in our devices. Constantly checking your phone or showing disinterest in your date can signal that you're not fully engaged. Put it away and give your date your undivided attention.

Arrogance: Confidence is attractive, but arrogance is not. Overhyping your achievements or belittling others can make your date feel uncomfortable and undervalued. Strike a balance between self-assuredness and humility.

Over-sharing: While it's important to be open, divulging deeply personal or overly intimate details too soon can be overwhelming. Respect boundaries and let the conversation flow naturally.

Poor hygiene and grooming: Presentation matters. Arriving disheveled or with poor hygiene can send the wrong message. A little effort in grooming shows respect for your date and the occasion.

Lack of interest in them: A successful date involves a two-way conversation. Focusing solely on yourself without showing genuine interest in your date's life, interests, and opinions will be off-putting.

Insensitive comments: Topics like religion, politics, and sensitive personal matters should be approached with caution. Making insensitive or offensive remarks can quickly sour the atmosphere.

Being rude to staff: How you treat waiters and bar staff speaks volumes about your character. Being rude or dismissive can signal a lack of respect and empathy.

Pushing for intimacy: Every person has their own comfort zone and pace when it comes to physical intimacy. Pushing for more than your date is comfortable with will create discomfort and tension, and you’re unlikely to get a second date.

Remember, a successful first encounter isn't just an advertisement for how wonderful you are – it's about creating a comfortable and enjoyable space for both individuals to connect authentically. By avoiding these common turn-offs, you'll increase your chances of forming a genuine connection that could potentially blossom into something amazing.

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How to say 'Thanks, but no thanks' without hurting someone's feelings

Finding the right connection when dating can sometimes feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. While it's great to come across potential matches, there will inevitably be instances where you need to decline someone's interest. Saying 'thanks, but no thanks' can be a delicate task, but with a thoughtful approach, you can handle it with grace and kindness. Here’s how:

Be prompt: When you've determined that the connection isn't what you're looking for, it's best to respond sooner rather than later. Delaying your response might lead to misunderstandings or false hope.

Be empathetic: Remember that the person on the other side of the screen has feelings too. Put yourself in their shoes and approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.

Keep It short and kind: A simple and concise message is often the most effective. Express your appreciation for their interest, but kindly let them know that you don't see a potential match.

Be honest, but tactful: You can briefly mention that you don't feel a strong connection or that your interests and priorities don't align. However, avoid being overly critical or hurtful.

Avoid ghosting: While it might be tempting to simply stop responding, it's always better to offer a clear ending. Ghosting can lead to confusion and hurt feelings, so a polite response is a more respectful way to handle the situation.

Don't make false promises: While you might want to soften the blow, avoid giving false hope or implying that things could change in the future if you don't truly believe that's the case.

Block if necessary: If the other person reacts negatively or doesn't take the news well, it's okay to disengage if their behavior becomes inappropriate or aggressive.

Focus on your boundaries: Remember that your feelings and boundaries are valid. It's okay to prioritize your own emotional well-being and make choices that are right for you.

Declining someone's interest can be uncomfortable, but handling it with kindness and honesty shows your respect for their feelings. Keep in mind that everyone faces rejection at some point, and a thoughtful response can help both parties move forward with a positive outlook.

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Ready for love? Signs you're ready to date again after a breakup

Going through a breakup is never easy. It’s emotionally draining and leaves us feeling vulnerable and uncertain about the future. However, as time passes, we start to wonder if we're ready to dip our toes back into the dating pool. But how can you tell if you're truly prepared to take that step? Here are some signs to look out for that will tell you when you're ready to start dating again.

Emotional healing

One of the most important indicators of readiness to date again is whether you’ve done enough emotional healing. Take a moment to assess whether you've given yourself time to process the breakup, accept your feelings, and let go of any residual pain or anger. When you find that you're no longer dwelling on the past or comparing potential partners to your ex, it’s a sign that your heart is open to new possibilities.

Regaining Self-Confidence

Before jumping into a new relationship, it's crucial to have a healthy dose of self-love and self-confidence. Feeling good about yourself and having a strong sense of self-worth will attract the right kind of people into your life. Engage in self-care activities that work for you and surround yourself with supportive friends and family to boost your confidence.

Having Realistic Expectations

When you're ready to date again, you'll find that you have a more realistic outlook on relationships. No one is perfect, and relationships require effort and compromise from both partners. Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration, so it's essential to be open-minded and willing to accept imperfections.

Feeling Excitement Over Fear

Dating can be both thrilling and nerve-wracking. If the idea of meeting new people and getting to know them brings more excitement than fear, it's a good indication that you're ready to date again. Embrace the thrill of new connections and experiences while recognizing that some nerves are entirely normal.

No Rebound Desperation

One common mistake people make after a breakup is jumping into a new relationship too quickly as a way to avoid loneliness. True readiness to date again means you're not using others to fill a void left by your previous relationship. You're seeking companionship and connection for the right reasons, and not simply as a rebound.

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5 essential habits for online dating success

Just like any other aspect of life, success in online dating requires the cultivation of good habits. By fostering these essential practices, you can navigate the online dating world with confidence and increase your chances of finding a genuine and fulfilling relationship.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Be authentic and truthful in your online dating profile. Present yourself in a genuine light and avoid embellishing or hiding aspects of your personality. Remember, building a solid foundation of honesty will lead to more meaningful connections.

Set Boundaries

In the vast ocean of potential matches, it's crucial to establish your personal boundaries and stick to them. Respect yourself and others by clearly communicating your limits, whether it's regarding communication frequency, physical intimacy, or the pace of the relationship.

Safety First

Online dating safety should always be a priority. Avoid sharing sensitive personal information early on and be cautious when arranging the first meeting. Choose public places for initial dates and let a friend or family member know your plans.

Patience Pays Off

Finding the right partner may take time. Don't get discouraged by initial setbacks or rejections. Patience is key, and being open-minded about different people will increase your chances of meeting someone compatible.

Balance Virtual and Real Worlds

While online platforms are great for initiating connections, aim to transition to real-life interactions when the time feels right. Meeting face-to-face allows for a deeper understanding of each other, strengthening the bond and building a more meaningful relationship.

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6 rules for dating a single parent

The older you get, the more likely the people you meet while online dating are to have children from a previous relationship. While this dynamic can require extra patience, understanding and a willingness to adapt, it can also be hugely rewarding. To help you navigate this unique journey, here are six rules for dating a single parent…

Open communication is vital

Clear and honest communication is vital when dating a single parent. You should discuss expectations, boundaries, and concerns openly and early on. This will help establish a solid foundation of trust, ensure that both partners are on the same page and stop any resentment building up.

Respect Their Parenting Responsibilities

Single parents are super busy and their primary commitment is to their child, so you need to be aware of this and prepared to fit in where you can. Plans may change or be cancelled at the last minute, which might be frustrating, but getting cross about it won’t help. On the flipside, you know you’ll know your dating a committed and kind person, which will only be good for your relationship.

Be Flexible and Understanding

Flexibility is key when dating a single parent. Understand that their schedule will revolve around their children's activities, appointments, and school commitments. This could work really well if you’re often busy yourself, value time alone, or enjoy spending lots of time with your own friends and family. There are positives to be found in every situation.

Develop a Connection with the Children

When dating a single parent, it's important to establish a positive connection with their children. Take an interest in their lives, engage in activities together, and be supportive and understanding. Building a bond with the children can strengthen the overall relationship. However, it’s also important that you…

Avoid Rushing into a Parental Role

While developing a connection with the children is important, it's crucial to avoid rushing into a parental role. Give the parent-child relationship space to grow naturally. Let the single parent take the lead in parenting decisions, and offer support and guidance when appropriate.

Practice Self-Care and Patience

Dating a single parent can be demanding at times, so practicing self-care and patience is crucial. Find ways to maintain your own well-being and emotional balance. Understand that blending families takes time and that building a strong, lasting relationship requires patience and understanding from both partners.

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How to know when you're ready to move from casual dating to commitment

Moving from dating to being on a committed relationship is a significant milestone. Making a conscious decision to invest emotionally and mentally in another person isn’t one to be taken lightly. So how do you know when you are ready to take this step?

Self-awareness plays a huge role in being able to tell whether you’re ready for a relationship. Being able to understand your own needs, desires and values is essential before making a long-term commitment to someone else. Take time to reflect on your goals and desires, and the path you want your life to take, and be honest with yourself about whether your partner aligns with them. If they don’t, you could end up feeling like they’re holding you back, which will lead to resentment.

Another crucial element is being able to communicate as a couple. The ability to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, expectations and long-term plans makes it more likely that you’ll stay on the same page as a couple while you inevitably change and grow as individuals. If you struggle with this, it might be too soon to take the leap into an exclusive relationship.

You should also reflect on whether you are developing a strong emotional bond. The strongest partnerships are built on trust, mutual respect and a strong foundation of friendship. Make sure you know the difference between fancying the pants off someone, and being able to enjoy their company through good times and bad.

Finally, trust your instincts. There’s room for being rational and logical, but trusting your gut is also important. If you feel calm, content and gently excited about a future with this person, you’re probably ready to be in it for the long-term. If you have a niggle or a doubt, it doesn’t mean you should break up with them immediately, but maybe hold out a little but longer before agreeing to update your relationship status.

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Is there ever a good excuse for ghosting someone?

‘Ghosting’ is a dating term that means abruptly cutting off contact with someone without warning or explanation. They ignore messages and phone calls and essentially vanish into thin are, just like a ghost. Is it ever OK to ghost someone or should you always be honest? Let’s have a look…

WHY DO SOME PEOPLE GHOST?

Basically, because it’s an easy way out as stopping contact with someone is much easier than having a potentially awkward or upsetting conversation. You don’t have to have any confrontation, or feel bad for hurting someone’s feelings, if you avoid all contact and hope they get the hint.

It’s also possible that they may have been ghosted a few times themselves, and think it’s an acceptable thing to do in the current dating landscape. They may think that, as the person they’re dating could be seeing other people, it doesn’t really matter if they just disappear.

HOW DOES GHOSTING IMPACT OTHERS?

Because it’s an ambiguous act that leaves people not knowing where they stand, it can have a bad affect on their feelings. They may feel confused about what they’ve done wrong, rejected and upset. If they’ve been on a few dates they may feel like the relationship is going somewhere and started thinking about the future. Losing this this imagined future can be painful, especially if they can’t talk through what has gone wrong with the person they were seeing.

IS IT BETTER TO BE HONEST?

The short answer is: yes. Although being honest about your feelings can be hard, it’s much kinder to be clear that you don’t want to see someone any more, than to leave them hanging on. You don’t necessarily need to go into detail, but keep it light and kind, for example by saying something like ‘You seem like a really great person but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. Good luck and take care’. This makes it clear that you don’t want to see them again, and the outro demonstrates that you aren’t looking for a big conversation about it.

How someone deals with your decision is up to them, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for being honest with them. In fact, you’re ultimately more likely to feel guilty about ghosting them. Be brave, bite the bullet and show them respect by kindly saying ‘thanks, but no thanks’.

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10 pieces of dating advice to get you off to a strong start as a couple

Met someone you like? Starting to think there could be a future in this relationship? Here are ten pieces of advice that will enable you to get off on the right foot and build something really special together.

Look forward, not back

Whether you’re 20 or 50, you will have had some experiences and previous relationships that will colour your view of your new relationship. While you shouldn’t deny your past, it’s important to not let issues or difficulties from your past affect your future. Focus on how you want life to be, rather than ruminating on what went wrong previously.

talk about what you want

It’s vital to be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship early on. Want to get married and have a family? Definitely don’t want kids? Plan to live abroad for a while? Spell this out as soon as possible to avoid disappointment later on if your partner has different desires.

do you like them or the idea of them?

Make sure you like the person you are dating, rather than the idea of being in a relationship. If you overlook red flags and flaws just because you want to a partner, you’ll regret it later on.

don’t keep talking about your ex

It’s important that your new partner knows your previous relationship history, but they don’t need to know the nitty-gritty about your exes. If you talk about them excessively, whether it’s good or bad, they’ll be wondering if you’re ready for a new relationship.

get to know their friends

Getting to know someone’s friends gives you a great indication of who someone really is, rather than the best side they are showing you. If you don’t like their friends, you may not know your partner as well as you think you do.

have big conversations face-to-face

Got something important to talk about? Do it face-to-face, rather than via text or email. Talking about big stuff can be scary, but it’s better to do it in person.

be clear when you want to go exclusive…

If you’ve both been dating other people, but you’ve realised you want to be exclusive with one person, be clear about making that request. It will save heartache later if you fudged the conversation and find out they’re still seeing other people.

… AND know if a situation isn’t right for you

If you’ve told someone you want to move your relationship on to a more serious level and they want to keep seeing other people, don’t hang on for ages for them to change their mind. Being able to recognise when a situation is no longer right for you will help you move on and find something that is.

don’t spend every second together

Having time apart is healthy for all relationships, so build that on early. While you may be loved up now, the honeymoon period will pass, and it’s important to maintain friendships in the meantime so those people are still around later.

KEEP your word

Whether you’re agreeing not to see other people or simply a time to meet for dinner, stick to your promises. Being honest and accountable to your partner creates safety and security, which is the bedrock of a really solid relationship.

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How to navigate first date nerves

A first date is an exciting and nerve-wracking experience. But fear not, with a little preparation and the right mindset, you can conquer those jitters and make a good impression. Here’s how…

Acknowledge and Accept Your Nerves

It's perfectly normal to feel nervous before a first date. Instead of trying to suppress your nerves, acknowledge them and accept them as a natural part of the dating process. Remember that everyone feels nervous before a first date, and it's okay to be anxious.

Be Prepared

Preparation can help ease your nerves. Plan ahead and have a clear idea of the date details, such as the time and location. Make If you're meeting in person, research the venue so you know what to expect. Being prepared can help you feel more confident and in control.

Dress Comfortably

Choose an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident. Avoid wearing something that you're not used to or that makes you feel self-conscious. Dressing comfortably can help you feel more at ease during the date and allow you to focus on getting to know your date rather than worrying about your appearance.

Be Yourself

Authenticity is key on a first date. Be yourself and let your personality shine. Trying to be someone you're not can be exhausting and lead to disappointment later on. Embrace your quirks and imperfections, and show your date the real you. If your date doesn't appreciate your genuine self, then they aren’t the right match for you.

Manage Expectations

It's essential to manage your expectations and not put too much pressure on the first date. Remember that it's just a meeting to get to know each other better, and it may not necessarily lead to a long-term relationship. Be open to the possibilities, but also be realistic. Try to approach the date with a positive mindset and enjoy the experience for what it is, without putting too much pressure on the outcome.

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How to make sure your first date is a success

First dates are nerve wracking and you may feel worried that you’re going to mess up that all important first meeting without meaning to. However, if you stick to a few easy principles you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself. Follow these rules for guaranteed dating success…

MEET UP IN REAL LIFE

The first step on the road to dating success is showing up. You may have spent a while chatting online and feel like you’ve got a connection with someone, but you won’t know for sure if the all important chemistry is there unless you meet up in real life. It’s important to meet someone in the flesh sooner rather than later, so you don’t end up feeling like you’ve invested more in them than you would have otherwise.

put them at their ease

Even the most confident person in the world will feel a tremor of first date nerves, so don’t presume you’re the only one feeling worried about making a good impression. Knowing that the person sitting opposite you is feeling nervous as well will help you to relax yourself. Also, if you’re feeling tense - tell them! They’ll probably say the same and the ice will be broken.

Put your phone away

We all have highly co-dependent relationships with our smartphones, but this is one time you need to cope without it. Having half an eye on WhatsApp suggests that you aren’t really interested in your date and they will be put off seeing you again. Giving someone your full attention is a highly attractive trait, so leave your phone in your bag or pocket.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK (but not too much)

Even if you’ve chatted a bit online, do some homework on your date beforehand. Re-read their profile and go over any emails you’ve shared to freshen up on what you’ve talked about and any information you’ve learned about them. However, we don’t suggest you Google them or scroll back through the last ten years of their Facebook profile, as knowing too much about them will come over as a bit creepy.

DON’T drink too much

Having several drinks for dutch courage might seem like a good idea when you’re feeling those first date nerves, but getting drunk is not a good idea. It might loosen your tongue a little too much and before you know it you’ve spent the whole date talking about your ex or moaning about your job. Have one or two, but know when to stop.

DON’T INSIST ON SETTING UP ANOTHER DATE AT THE END

Unless it’s obvious you both really want to see each other again, don’t pressure your date into planning another date at the end of the night. They may not be sure, or may have another date planned, or may just react badly to being pushed into another meeting before the first one is over. End it with ‘It was great to meet you, I’ll text you in a couple of days’ or something similar that expresses your enjoyment but doesn’t leave them feeling trapped into anything more.

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Been ghosted? How pick yourself up and keep dating

If you’ve just started seeing someone, or even just messaging with someone, and it seems to be going well, it hurts when they suddenly vanish for no reason. Whether it happens after you’ve only been in touch for a little while, or you’ve been seeing them for a few months, it’s painful and confusing. Here are some tips on how to deal with it, so you can put it behind you and move on.

call out the person who has ghosted you

If you’re getting the feeling that they’ve bailed on your relationship, the best thing to do is ask them directly. Try something like: ‘I haven’t heard from you for a while so I assume you don’t want this to go any further. I’d like you to be honest with me about your feelings as it’s unkind to leave me hanging.’ A message like this calls out their behaviour whilst giving them an easy opportunity to tell you the truth.

DON’T CHASE after them

If you’ve messaged or called someone a few times and they aren’t getting back to you. don’t keep on chasing them. Whilst your desire to try and get back in touch with them to find out what has happened will be hard to ignore, you have to do it. Consider whether you actually need closure, or if hearing them tell you that they’re just not interested will make you feel worse. Try instead to view them as immature and not capable of being in a relationship as this will help you to stop blaming yourself and move on.

grieve your relationship, however short

Once you’ve accepted that you’ve been ghosted, it’s important to allow yourself to feel upset. It’s natural to build an idea in your mind of how you hope a relationship will pan out, and losing that future is hard to deal with. Allow yourself to feel sad, but also remember that the way they dealt with the situation says more about them than it does about you.

be kind to yourself

Treat yourself the same way as you would after any break up. Have a good cry, talk to your friends and family, wallow for a while and then start taking care of yourself. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, cooking nice meals or watching your your favourite films, do things that make you feel good and remind you that you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself and enjoying your own company.

GET BACK OUT THERE

It’s easy to be put off dating by one horrible experience, but the truth is that getting back out there and talking to new people will help you forget your ghoster much faster. Getting back online makes it a million times more likely you’ll stop you obsessing over what went wrong the last time and meet someone genuine and lovely instead.

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How to be honest about your dating goals

Knowing what you want is the key to online dating success. Are you looking for hook-ups and fun, or are you searching for The One? When you’ve figured it out, it’s crucial that you make sure the people you’re dating know as well, as it could save a lot of potential heartache. Here’s how to be honest about your dating goals…

Figure out what you want before you start

You might be excited about getting online, but it’s important to have your goals in place before you meet anyone. If you’re unsure, talk to a friend as they can be a sounding board and reflect your thoughts and feeling back to you. You’ll have an easier and more successful time if you have your goals figured out first.

make it clear on your profile

You don’t need to be too explicit, but make it obvious what you’re looking for before people message you. Looking for something serious? Write it down? Just here for fun? Say so. Communicating your needs and wants is crucial in all relationships, so you might as well start now.

discuss it on your first date

Make sure they are clear about what you’re looking for before you get past the point where they might be catching feelings for you. Mention it in your messages and bring it up on your first date. Being coy about something so important is just going to create problems down the line.

Don’t worry about their response

Don’t avoid being honest because you’re worried they won’t want to meet up with you. Be straightforward and respectful about where you see things going. And it works both ways: if you’re looking for something longterm and they’ve made it clear they’re just dating casually, tell them they’re not the person for you. It could save you some angst at a later date.

don’t change your plans for them

If you’re looking for fun and someone tries to convince you into a serious relationship, or vice versa, take a step back and be really honest with yourself. Is this person right for you? If not, break it off, as leading either yourself or them down the garden path is likely to end in heartbreak. Tell them firmly but kindly that it’s not going to work out, and look for someone who is genuinely in line with your desires.

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How to give your dating profile an exciting spring clean

Like anything, your dating profile will become dull and dusty if you don’t give it a little spruce up every now and then. Though you may think that once it’s complete you don’t need to do anything else, there is a lot to be said for making changes on a regular basis. People who have seen your profile before but not get in touch may change their mind if they see new photos or narratives. Here’s how to give your profile a boost for springtime.

change YOUR PICTURES

Updating your profile is a surefire way to freshen up your profile. Even if you think the one you’ve had as your primary shot for ages is the best photo that was ever taken of you, it’s time to change it. People who have previously passed you by will have their interest piqued and you’ll gain a whole new audience.

BE SPECIFIC ABOUT what you enjoy

If your profile currently states that you like drinking wine, going to the gym or enjoy ‘culture’, it’s time to get specific. Do you enjoy lifting weights or doing kettlebell classes? Have you been on a vineyard tour around California? Do you love visiting modern art museums? Adding detail makes it easier for people to start a conversation with you.

ASK A FRIEND TO WRITE YOU A NARRATIVE

The beauty of MySingleFriend is that you don’t have to do all the hard work as a friend can write about you too. It’s a unique feature of our site so make sure you use it! Having someone else chip in some stories and details about you really makes your profile come to life.

be specific about WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR

It really helps potential dates to know what you’re looking for and what you’re likely to respond to. We don’t recommend including too many dealbreakers, such as ‘must be brunette’, but saying you’d like to meet someone who loves being outdoors helps potential dates picture themselves with you and will be more likely to get in touch.

STAY IN A POSITIVE MINDSET

It’s important to make sure you’re a shining beacon of positivity when online dating, rather than adding doom and gloom to someone’s life. Of course there’s always room for a bit of a moan but save it for when you meet someone in person, rather than putting them off you by including it in your profile.

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Six ways you can tell if someone is genuinely interested in you

Working out if someone you are dating is genuinely interested in a long term relationship can be difficult. However, there are certain things to watch for that will let you know if they’re thinking about taking things further, whether it’s very early days or you’ve been seeing each other for a while. Here’s how to tell…

THEY SEND THE FIRST MESSAGE ONLINE

This one is very clear. If someone messages you first, they’re interested enough to take the initiative and drop you a line.

THEY REPLY IN GOOD TIME

Someone who replies within minutes or a couple of hours, rather than days or weeks, is interested in you. Don’t expect instant replies though, as you want any potential partner to have a life and interests outside of you.

THEY TALK BUT ALLOW YOU TIME TO TALK TOO

If someone either hogs the conversation or barely says a word, they don’t have much genuine interest in you. A person who genuinely wants to get to know you will listen to what you have to say whilst also opening up about themselves.

THEY PROLONG YOUR DATE

If someone suggests you get dessert or coffee, rather than rushing off at the first opportunity, they want to spend more time with you.

THEY ASK YOU out again

The clearest indication of whether someone likes you or not is whether they want to see you again. However, some people might feel a bit shy and ask you in an obtuse way, so make sure you’re switched on enough to realise when they’re doing so.

THEY MAKE CASUAL REFERENCES TO THE FUTURE

Talking about things you might do together in the future is a great sign that someone is looking at a future with you. For example, if you mention a festival and they say ‘We should go together’ you can be sure they’re into you.

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Dating profile resolutions for 2023

January is traditionally the busiest time of year for online dating as people are focussed on making changes and switching things up. With that in mind, here are a few simple ways to refresh your MySingleFriend profile and make 2023 the year you meet The One…

update your photos

Be honest with yourself: do your pictures genuinely reflect how you look now? If not, it’s time for a change. There’s no point in pretending to be someone you aren’t, as you’ll find you rarely get a second date. Get a friend to take some new ones, following the golden rules of good profile shots: a smiling, colourful, head and shoulders shot.

tell people who you are

Get specific about who you are and what your interests are. Don’t say you’re a foodie, explain your passion for Andalusian recipes. Don’t say you like films, say you love the work of Francis Ford Coppola. Adding detail allows people to get a real idea of who you are, as well as offering great hooks to open a conversation.

explain what you’re looking for

Obviously you’re looking for a date, but where do you want that date to lead? Are you looking for a bit of fun or a long term relationship? Do you want kids or are you after a partner to join you on a footloose and fancy free life of travel adventure. Being precise about your hopes and dreams will make the process of finding someone who shares them much quicker.

Be upbeat

In the doldrums of January everyone is feeling a bit bleak so make sure your profile is the complete opposite. Ensure your pictures are colourful and joyful and keep your description positive by avoiding moaning, banging on about your ex or talking about past dating disappointments. A little bit of cheer will go a very long way.

don’t get downhearted

It’s rare for someone to click with the first person they meet when dating online, so don’t fret if meeting someone you like takes a while. If a date doesn’t work out, try not to take it to heart. There’s someone out there for everyone so get back on MySingleFriend and keep searching.

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4 reasons why it's great to be single at Christmas

Christmas can feel like a tricky time if you’re single. Instagram is full of loved up couple couples wearing Christmas jumpers and exchanging gifts, festive films like Love Actually are pushing the romance and it’s easy to feel a bit flat. However, there are some very big plus points to being single at Christmas - here’s why flying solo at this time of year is actually the best.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO VISIT THE IN-LAWS

Choosing who to spend Christmas with is a minefield when you have a partner and it’s easy to fall out with both your partner and your family about it. And if you do decide to forego seeing you own immediate family and spend it with your partner’s, there’s no guarantee you won’t end up wishing very hard you were elsewhere. When you’re single you can please yourself, and that is a real luxury so enjoy it whilst you can.

YOU CAN AVOID THE GIFT GIVING STRESS

For many couples, giving presents comes with a big dollop of stress. Will you spend roughly the same amount, or does someone splash out too much? What if your other half barely puts any thought in when you’ve combed the internet for hours for just the right thing? How about if you’ve dropped hints for months and it turns out they’re completely tone deaf when it comes to your desires? If you don’t have a partner to give a present to, you won’t have this worry.

YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING SOMEONE

Despite what we might hope for in terms of romance and togetherness, Christmas can actually put a massive strain on relationships. If you already spend a lot of time in each other’s pockets, Christmas is only going to make that overfamiliarity and general irritation worse. If you’re single you can spend Christmas dreaming about that wonderful someone you’re going to meet next year instead of getting annoyed at your partner because they’ve put the decorations up wrong again.

YOU CAN OPT OUT ALTOGETHER

Everyone should spend one Christmas doing exactly what they want with no obligations, so why not make this one yours? Spend it with a gang of likeminded friends or go it completely alone and spend the day watching whatever you want on telly, or going out for a long walk. The end of the year is a great time to reflect on your life and get yourself in a great headspace for 2023.

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The importance of being honest about your dating goals

When you join a dating website, you are looking for a simple thing: a date. But what are you looking for beyond that? Some people will know they are looking for a serious relationship, while others are simply looking to meet new people. It doesn’t matter what you’re looking for, but it’s important to be clear about it. Read on to find out the importance of being honest about your dating goals…

Think about what you want before you sign up

Before you start meeting people, spend some time thinking about what you want. Long term relationship? A few fun dates? Just trying it out? Be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with the people you meet.

communicate your desires

Whether you let people know what you’re looking for on your profile, or within the first few messages, it’s important to let people know what you’re looking for early on in the process. If you’re after something casual but your date is looking for something serious, they won’t be happy if you don’t tell them until you’ve met up several times. Being clear from the word go will save any potential upset later.

Don’t be afraid to be honest

It’s important that you don’t shy away from being absolutely clear about what you want because you’re afraid they’ll be upset or angry with you. Being honest is the best way to respect them and their feelings. By communicating what you are looking for you’ll enable them to make an informed decision about whether dating you is right for them.

be resolute

If the person you’re dating is unhappy about what you want, don’t be swayed into changing your mind. Going along with what they want will only lead to unhappiness for both of you further down the line. Stick to your guns and be clear about your boundaries.

keep checking in with yourself

As you go on more dates, you may find yourself changing your mind about whether you’re in it for fun or for the long term. Keep checking in with yourself about what you want, and remember that you can always change your mind.

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How to optimise your dating profile

When it comes to getting your page high up on Google, optimisation is key. It needs to be accessible, easy to understand and nice to look at. But did you know that the same principles can be applied to your dating profile? Here’s how to make sure yours is working as effectively as possible…

Pay attention to spelling and grammar

If your profile isn’t easily understood, people will quickly move on to the next one. Take care with spelling and don’t use text speak, as it looks sloppy and like you don’t really care about your profile. It’s also important that you keep the language you use fairly simple. Intelligence is attractive, but an overwritten profile with lots of long words is likely to put people off.

Share your hobbies and interests

Common interests are important, so be sure to make sure it’s easy for people to find out what you’re into. Don’t be vague and say things like ‘films’ or ‘sport’. Get specific with a short list of the films you really love or talk about sports you regularly play. This allows people to quickly build up an idea of your life.

Choose an image that shows who you are

We often think that we need to choose a photo that looks ‘sexy’, but this is usually a mistake, as we aren’t very good at judging what makes a good picture of ourselves. So put away those pouty, moody shots that show a bit of flesh and go for a well-lit, colourful, head and shoulders photo. And smile! It makes you seem friendly and approachable, and people are much more likely to contact you.

Write about what you’re looking for

It should be easy for potential dates to find out what you’re looking for out of a relationship. Is it marriage and kids or just a few fun dates? If you’re clear about what you are offering and what you want, people will feel easier about dropping you a line. It will also stop potential problems before they crop up.

Keep it upbeat

Just as you wouldn’t enjoy reading a web page full of misery and negativity, people don’t want to read a dating profile full of it either. Don’t mention break ups, exes, work woes or lists of pet peeves. Keeping things light and upbeat is a tactic much more likely to attract some lovely people to your profile.

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Self-sabotage: are you ruining your own chances?

Sometimes we think we’re trying to achieve something but unconsciously we’re ruining our own efforts. If you aren’t getting as many dates as you’d like, it’s important to have a look at how you’re approaching online dating and whether you’re standing in your own way.. Here’s how you may be sabotaging your dating life without even realising.

YOU AREN’T LOOKING AFTER YOUR PROFILE

If you’ve been online for a while and you aren’t getting much interest, it’s time to shake up your profile. The most important thing you can do is add new photos, but small details like changing the age range of the people you’re looking for can also help. A stale, neglected profile won’t do you any favours.

YOU DON’T REPLY TO MESSAGES PROMPTLY

Whilst you don’t need to reply instantly, if you leave it too long to get back in touch, potential dates will think you aren’t serious about dating and will move on. Make time to reply to all messages at least once a day.

YOU AREN’T SHOWING ENOUGH ENTHUSIASM

Playing hard to get rarely works, and it is definitely a turn off if you’re communicating online and haven’t even met yet! Enthusiasm is attractive, so show your excitement about meeting up with people and getting to know them.

YOU’RE TOO PICKY ABOUT WHO TO DATE

If you view all potential date’s profiles looking for reasons not to date them, you can’t then claim there just aren’t any good people out there. If you look for the good things and give everyone a chance, you’re much more likely to meet someone.

YOU’RE UNAVAILABLE

If you’re so busy with work that you barely have time to schedule a dentist’s appointment, let alone a date, you’re going to find meeting someone hard. Consider whether now is the right time to be dating, and if you need to make changes so you have time to actually go on dates.

YOU’RE NOT PUTTING DATING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LIST

The above point leads onto this one. If you aren’t making time to give dating the attention it deserves, you will find it very hard to meet someone. If you’re really serious about your dating life, make it a priority, and you’ll soon end up with some great dates.

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Is it better to ghost someone or be honest?

‘Ghosting’ is a dating term that means abruptly cutting off contact with someone without warning or explanation. They ignore messages and phone calls and essentially vanish into thin are, just like a ghost. Is it ever OK to ghost someone or should you always be honest? Let’s have a look…

Why do some people ghost?

Basically, because it’s an easy way out as stopping contact with someone is much easier than having a potentially awkward or upsetting conversation. You don’t have to have any confrontation, or feel bad for hurting someone’s feelings, if you avoid all contact and hope they get the hint.

It’s also possible that they may have been ghosted a few times themselves, and think it’s an acceptable thing to do in the current dating landscape. They may think that, as the person they’re dating could be seeing other people, it doesn’t really matter if they just disappear.

How does ghosting impact others?

Because it’s an ambiguous act that leaves people not knowing where they stand, it can have a bad affect on their feelings. They may feel confused about what they’ve done wrong, rejected and upset. If they’ve been on a few dates they may feel like the relationship is going somewhere and started thinking about the future. Losing this this imagined future can be painful, especially if they can’t talk through what has gone wrong with the person they were seeing.

Is it better to be honest?

The short answer is: yes. Although being honest about your feelings can be hard, it’s much kinder to be clear that you don’t want to see someone any more, than to leave them hanging on. You don’t necessarily need to go into detail, but keep it light and kind, for example by saying something like ‘You seem like a really great person but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. Good luck and take care’. This makes it clear that you don’t want to see them again, and the outro demonstrates that you aren’t looking for a big conversation about it.

How someone deals with your decision is up to them, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for being honest with them. In fact, you’re ultimately more likely to feel guilty about ghosting them. Be brave, bite the bullet and show them respect by kindly saying ‘thanks, but no thanks’.

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